The Spirituality of
Recovery – From Survivor to Thriver
University of
Rochester
April 3, 2013
At a conference
held on April 3 at the University of Rochester, I was asked to speak about the
Spirituality of Recovery. I offer here a condensed version of my presentation
at that conference. Sexual assault on college campuses is a serious issue
confronting all of us who work in higher education today. I offer here some reflections on the
spiritual consequences of sexual assault and the spiritual issues that need to
be addressed within college communities as they deal with incidents of sexual
assault. This is a hard
topic for all religious traditions to confront, and yet there is much spiritual
and religious wisdom that can be brought to the issues arising out of sexual
assault that can promote healing and renewal both for victims and for their
assailants.
Fundamentally I
believe that there is a deep connection between spirituality and sexuality,
which means that sexual assault is more than an assault on the body and
emotions, it is also an assault on the soul. Spiritual practices and spiritual and religious mentors and
counselors can offer much wisdom to students who have been victims of sexual
assault and can also offer much needed spiritual care to those who have
perpetrated the assaults.
Sexual Assault is not About Sex
First let me
make it clear that sexual assault is not about sex. When someone is the victim of a sexual assault, the act that
takes place between the people involved is not about sex, it is not about
intimacy and connection and love and trust, it is about violence and power and
intimidation. The sex organs
of the human body are merely the tools used to inflict violence and pain and
suffering on the victim. The
assault is not about sex, but in order for the victim to heal, spiritual and/or
religious rituals or practices may be needed to bring the victim back to
wholeness because healthy sexuality is intertwined with spirituality. And for complete healing to happen in
the community, to the extent possible the perpetrator needs to be held
accountable and to have spiritual resources available to him to bring him to a
place where he can reclaim his dignity and his wholeness and make restitution
for the harm he has caused to the community.
Sexuality and Spirituality
I approach this
topic with a strong conviction that human sexuality and spirituality are
intricately connected components of human experience. In the best of circumstances, sexuality and spirituality
work together in the life of a human being and offer windows onto the
transcendent divine in ways that bring joy and fulfillment to human life.
George Feuerstein, in his book Sacred Sexuality traces the connection
between human sexual expression and spirituality from ancient indigenous
religions of the Goddess through the major world religions that we know today
From our earliest records of human religious experiences, it is clear that
sexual energy and spiritual experience have been long intertwined. Feuerstein writes:
Sex- or to be more precise, sexual love- can
be a hidden window onto the spiritual reality. That window or opening can manifest all of a sudden in the
solid walls of our conventional existence. At the height of passion or in the fullness of love, we
might suddenly feel transported to a different plane of existence where all our
sensations, experiences and thoughts occur against the peaceful backdrop of an
overriding sense of at-one-ness. (39) …..
This truth has been obscured by our inherited
dualistic philosophies, but it is a truth that is fundamental to the sacred
traditions inspired by mystics and sages before they were reworked by
theologians and intellectuals.
Prior to the rise of dualism, the sacred and profane were not
experienced as radical opposites, nor was sexuality excluded from spiritual
life. On the contrary, the
further back we go in human history the more we encounter a life philosophy
that was distinctly affirmative of both sex and God or Goddess. (41)
It is no accident that
through the ages, people who have spent long hours in prayer and meditation and
who have nurtured a lively and dynamic relationship with the divine have
experienced that relationship in ways they can only describe as erotic. The
good news in this literature is that the experience of transcendence,
boundarylessness, ecstasy and joy that the mystics describe is also available
to us ordinary people in the context of our healthy, loving sexual
relationships.
If one
understands the deep connection between human sexuality and spirituality, it
becomes clearer how and why a sexual assault is also a spiritual assault. Sex is sacred and when the parts of our
bodies that engage in sex are violated, spiritual damage is done to the soul. A sexual assault is the equivalent of
the desecration of a holy site, and just as churches, mosques and temples that
have been desecrated often require special rituals and prayers to re-consecrate
the space for its holy purpose, people who have been so violated by a sexual
assault need spiritual rituals and support to “reconsecrate” their sexual lives
in a healthy and positive way.
Spiritual Consequences of Sexual Assault
The primary
spiritual consequences of sexual assault are feelings of guilt, shame, anger or
rage, depression, and a struggle to deal with the religious imperative to
forgive when forgiveness seems elusive or downright impossible.
Much has been
written in the past several decades about the phenomenon of guilt among
survivors of rape. In part these
guilty feelings arise from our culture’s propensity to “blame the victim” by
asserting that she somehow “asked for it” either by the way she was dressed, or
the way she behaved towards the perpetrator, or by getting drunk or high on
drugs so that she was incapable of resisting the attack and also incapable of
consenting to the sexual activity.
Shame is another
common feeling among those who have been victims of sexual assault. Shame can be even more debilitating
than guilt since shame tends to be rooted in feelings about the person’s very
selfhood and is not usually specifically related to just one act of omission or
commission. Thus, a person who
feels shame as a result of a sexual assault feels worthless as a person, or
somehow sullied or dirtied or inadequate.
These feelings can obviously have far reaching consequences for the
person’s continued growth and development both psychologically and
spiritually. Appropriate spiritual
care is imperative to help victims transform their feelings of shame into
feelings of self worth and empowerment.
A very important
part of healing from a trauma such as sexual assault is forgiveness. The victim at some point must be able
to forgive the perpetrator in order to move on with his or her own life. There are a lot of misconceptions about
what constitutes forgiveness and how and when someone should engage in it. Well-trained religious leaders can help
victims to work through their feelings and work towards genuine forgiveness in
ways that can empower the victim to move on in a healthy way but without rushing
the forgiveness process.
Spiritual Care of Perpetrators
The perpetrators
of sexual assault also need spiritual care, in addition to psychological and psychiatric care. The act of sexual assault can create feelings of guilt and
shame in the perpetrator. In our
desire to see justice done, we must also remember that the perpetrator needs
spiritual counsel and help to deal with his guilt and shame and to help him to
do whatever acts of repentance, restitution and making amends might be appropriate
under the circumstances. The
spiritual task is to walk with the perpetrator as he experiences the suffering
that inevitably comes from having caused the kind of harm he has caused and
from the natural consequences, legal and otherwise, of that harm.
In some cases,
restorative justice practices might be appropriate and helpful. However, not all offenders will be suitable
candidates for such practices. In
cases where a perpetrator is repentant and remorseful, is capable of empathy
and willing to subject himself to the restorative justice process, a
restorative approach can heal both the victim and the perpetrator and
strengthen the community at the same time. A restorative approach focuses on healing broken
relationships and restoring a sense of community, something very important in a
university setting. We are fortunate to have resources at the University of
Rochester through our Gandhi Institute that can offer a restorative justice
approach when circumstances suggest it is appropriate to do so.
So, for this
campus community I would urge that spiritual and religious interventions be
considered when dealing with students who have suffered from sexual
assault. The Interfaith Chapel is
available to work with such students and to refer them to appropriate religious
mentors as needed. As numerous
studies have shown, religious and/or spiritual intervention can have remarkably
positive effects on a victim’s recovery, but equally, the wrong kind of
spiritual counsel can simply compound the problems and increase the suffering
so care must be taken to be sure the person is referred to a religious
counselor who is trained to deal with victims of sexual assault and abuse.
The Interfaith
Chapel is similarly ready to be a spiritual and religious resource for those
working with perpetrators of sexual assault, to help them to accept
responsibility for what they have done and to transform their lives in positive
ways, restoring them to community and helping them to find ways of healing from
the harm they have caused to others and to themselves.
Healthy
university communities must take sexual assault seriously and ensure that all
resources are brought to bear when a sexual assault takes place. The community’s health is at stake, not
just the health and well being of the assailant and the victim. We are all in this together and
together we must work to make our campus safe for all of our students all of
the time.